ACTION ALERT...FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

From: The National Gay and Lesbian Recruitment Center, Closet Gay Division

Former Senator Larry Craig has revealed the secret bathroom code of tapping one's feet to quitely attract fellow closetted gay men for sleazy, quick and anonymous bathroom sex. His lack of forethought that a Christian bigot police officer might be trying to trap closetted gay Republican Senators was in direct violation of the closetted gay men rules.

Therefore the CGD has decided to immediately change the secret code. Therefore, effective immediately instead tapping one's feet to attract other men, a seeker should now scratch their ankle while clearing their throat. The use of the pink $20 bill has been dismissed as a possible solution since we fear they may find their way into general circulation and confuse the straight people.

Openly gay individuals should continue to use traditional "hey, you want a blow job?" approach. Remember we continue to believe that openly suggesting sex is NOT illegal between consenting adults so long as no offer to exchange sex for money is involved.

No change in the secret code for lesbians is required at this time. Thankfully lesbians don't have a dick to be ruled by (strap-ons don't count). Of course, since there are no closetted Republican lesbians anyway, there's really not much to worry about.

Also, the board has decided that 3 new adults over the age of 17 (instead of 2) will need to be recruitted in 2008 for a member to qualify for the microwave.  All other award levels remain unchanged.

For questions or further information please contact the Closetted Gay Division of the National Gay and Lesbian Recruitment Center.

Comments

[Lee Levan]

What! It wasn't enough that I had to be conscious of not tapping my foot to the music piped into the bathroom? Now I have to be careful not to clear my throat if my ankle gets itchy?

[John Morgan]

Don't worry Lee, just don't use a wide stance and you'll be OK.

[DC]

Lee, especially if it's the

Girl from Ipanema

or

Love Shack

No GOP lesbians, what, you mean they kicked Coulter out of the club???

[DC]

Oh and did you all hear, Larry might decide to stay in office and keep with his hypocrisy and do the Dems the biggest favor in the world.

New joke: How many people does it take to elect a Democratic Senator in Idaho? 1, Larry Craig *ba-dum-dum*

I think when Arlen made the overture that he should not necessarily resign that somehow this renewed his vigor like a geriatric E.D. treatment.

I think he made a Specter of himself with that remark. *oooo*

I'm gonna go out on a limb and it'll probably float like a lead balloon, but...

...maybe the GOP should start to give some honest thought to changing what the GOP stands for...

...to Gays Only Party *oooo* *oooo* I apologize to all homosexuals but ya gotta admit the whole G-O-P thing just begs to be messed with.

[Melissa]

"No GOP lesbians, what, you mean they kicked Coulter out of the club???"

What the hell ever made you think that Coulter was a woman? That adam's apple ain't the only protrusion on "her" body.....although it could be the largest. ;-)

[John Morgan]

I finally got my copy of the instructions. Kirk's mail must be faster. Lee, you should be OK with the toe tapping now as long as they aren't show tunes.

Also, be sure your shoes aren't red slippers and you aren't carrying Toto in there with you. That labels you as a "friend of Dorothy."

The pink $20 bills can still be used as long as you fold them into a triangle.

Word is Larry Craig perfected the "wide stance" from bending over for his pages and aides.

[John Morgan]

New joke: what happens when a closeted Republican goes to the bathroom? The only thing that gets blown are secret codes.

[DC]

Melissa,

Wow, ya know, I hadn't thought of that, but good point. 8-)